What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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