the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
