bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
