And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i've created a new STD.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
