My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
