3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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