drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
