i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
