When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
