dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
