hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
