my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
