she woke up with a sticky ear
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
