Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
