You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
