We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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