Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
