You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize