This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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