Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
