if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
