thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize