found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have fence marks all over my body
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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