So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
