Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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