Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
