ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
