do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
