I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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