This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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