piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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