she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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