You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
