About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
