Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
