I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
