my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
