I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My vagina just recognized that song.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
