It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
