Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this beer tastes like vomit already
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
