phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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