When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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