I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
