You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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