he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize