Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
