There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
