angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
