i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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