I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
