hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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