my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
