your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
