You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
