Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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