I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
