I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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