matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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