Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
