I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
