I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
