is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
