Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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