I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
