So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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